fun art

Last Saturday, Raine and I had some artistic inclination, and inspiration and we went out in the front yard to paint. I took my craft paints - inexpensive acrylics mostly, sponge brushes, and some empty toilet paper tubes to play with.

The best part, though were the leaves. First I picked up a couple, thinking I would brush paint around the edges to make a leaf shape. Eh, OK, but not wow. Then I got to thinking, well, why not use it for a stamp, so i tried that, with a slightly watered down paint. It worked pretty well. Well enough for me to look around for a few different sizes of leaves to play with. Raine liked the look of that, too, and tried it out with a few different colors.

Then, oh then, we tried painting the backs of the leaves! They were beautiful! We let the paint dry and brought them in with the rest of our treasures thinking we would make collages from what we had made. We haven't gotten to those yet, but the leaves still look really cool!

Counseling

Well, we went, today. I sweated it. I worried about it. I had trouble falling asleep last night. It was... the unknown.

It was also the waiting before taking the first step on a journey. The anticipation. I know, it isn't that big of a deal. I'm not the only one in the world that has ever been in this place, and I know that. In some ways, though it felt like a big deal.

Maybe because what I want to accomplish, what Ron and I want to accomplish, IS a big deal. To us. There are a lot of times when you don't realize how bad a situation is until you get out of it, brush off, recover a bit, and look back. We were not taking care of ourselves. We were not taking care of each other. It was not a good place for either of us to be.

Today we poked at some of those hurting places in my heart. That was hard, and painful, but that is what needs to be done. They need to be cleaned out, and bandaged up and healed, but it doesn't feel good, right now.

I will say in general, things are better between us, for the amount of time we are together. Which isn't a lot right now. Still, better. Good enough that I would like more time like this. Yes, please. Good behavior. Best behavior.

That is what we need to learn how to make last. That good behavior, until that is the second nature, not the selfish, closing off.

steps in the right direction

Ron invited Raine and I for dinner tonight. Chicken and rice. Simple and delicious. Near the top of Raine's list of favorites.

It was my first time at his new place. It is a simply furnished, 1 bedroom apartment. Basic but adequate.

We had a pleasant dinner, and watched an episode of Jeremy Brett's Sherlock Holmes, which we both enjoyed.

We also got to talk about the trouble Raine got into at school today. She was suspended for a day for fighting and throwing rocks. What saves her? She was not the instigator, but the responder. She's still in trouble at home for being in trouble at school, and will have to do some major chores (but the back yard will look better than it does now).

green chile roast

The green chile season is upon us. I've seen pictures and facebook posts of friends getting or roasting their chile. Carl and I had been discussing that, and had decided that this weekend was the weekend for our stocking up.

It was a good thing we did, too. Sam's was out. Albertson's near our house? Also out, roaster already put away. Oh no! Fortunately Fiesta Mart is still roasting. The line wasn't too long, but it still took about an hour to get through it.

Now, though? Now, we have a drawer full of yummy, roasted green chile in the freezer. Almost 2 dozen quart bags of plump and meaty roasted green chile. Oh it smells so good, green chile. I had a burrito for lunch, after I bagged them. I'll have another one tomorrow, because there was enough stuffing to put one aside for a burrito to take to school. MMMmmmmmm....

cleaning up the mess

Ron and I are working on cleaning up the messes we've made in our relationship. It will take time, and effort and patience, but we've made a start of it, and the first step is often the most difficult.

I'm working on the house, as well. I was actually frightened and disgusted at the amount of dust and debris in our bedroom. I've been cleaning a little at a time, but today I moved the bed around, and picked up the rugs. Oh My Goodness. Good thing no one but me was looking! Ack!

But I got a lot of laundry done, including some things that don't get washed every week, and evidently hadn't been washed in WAY TOO LONG. Things will feel better as this kind of cleaning gets done through the computer room, and the living room as well. I think the house was showing the effects of the stagnation, too. (and one of the ways I know that it wasn't JUST Ron, if you know what I mean)

I'm trying not to do too much at one time, but setting a goal and puttering around it, which is my favorite way to face those kind of chores. I've been making good progress there, too.

the struggle

Parents, you know this one. "...but I don't WANT to do my homework. I'm tired! I'll just go to bed."

"You WILL do your homework! You have had plenty of time to finish it all ready. Now, do it! NOW!"

OK, maybe those aren't the EXACT quotes. But, yes, the struggle continues at our house. Heaven forbid that I want to watch Project Runway in one room, while she bravely struggles (HA!) with subtraction, or copying spelling words IN A WHOLE OTHER ROOM! sigh. I know. I know. I AM so unreasonable.

The drama was intense. There were nearly tears.

But, she got it done.

cold front and rain

Yes, there is a hint of autumn in the air. It's being blown around by the wind, and spitting sprinkles of rain on us. A cold front moved in this afternoon, and when I left work, I could feel the change in the air. It was cooler, almost brisk. Well, as brisk as New Mexico gets in early September.

Last night, a thunderstorm passed through, waking me up. This evening has been thunderstorms moving by and fairly light rain off and on. We need it. How we need it. It just seems that we will all drink it in as the earth does.

What a lovely, lovely day.

school pants

Roxanne and I finished Raine's school pants this past weekend. Two pairs of shorts, and two pairs of pants from two different patterns. We made fun pockets in all of them, so there would be a bit of fun and pattern and unique to each pair. She's worn the shorts to school all ready, happy that she now has a pair for every day of the school week. The pants just may have to wait for cooler weather... some time in October. November?

I took photos this evening, and Raine hammed it up for me, of course. They weren't the best photos ever. I just have to learn to take them when the natural light helps out, instead of moments before bath time. Still, I'm pleased at the fit, and that I've made her useful clothes that she will wear. Yay.

a blog you should try out

In my pathetic and limited forays into to internets, I happened upon this short little blog called Sleep Talking Man. The wife records what her husband says in his sleep, and then posts snippets of it. Sometimes she records conversations they have while he is asleep, or conversations they have about what he has said while he is asleep.

Oh. My. Goodness. FUNNY!

Enjoy!

giving it a go

I keep signing in, and staring at the page. I want to write, and yet, I've just had to give it some space. Many of the issues foremost in my head are not issues to share here, really.

Ron and I are talking. We visited the church we were both most comfortable with, and asked about counceling. The pastor took the time to talk to us right then, which we both were touched by and grateful for. We will talk to him a couple more times while we arrange for insurance covered sessions. It feels good that we started that process.

I've graded papers, and done laundry (including a couple of the sets of curtains from my bedroom) and even rearranged some of the furniture in the bedroom. I'll do some more tomorrow, but getting the room cleaned well, and rearranged will be cathartic and comforting. A couple of friends came over this evening and Carl and I played canasta with them. Life gets lived.

I'm looking forward to an afternoon of sewing with Roxanne tomorrow. I still have another pair of pants and another pair of shorts to finish for Raine. Then we start on other things, maybe a few quilt squares, and we have plenty to cut out, right now, thanks to all the fabric and pattern matching that we did on Monday.

planning

This seems a week for planning. Planning projects, and planning for the future.

I've visited with Ron several times this week. He's spent some quality time with Raine, and with me. We went for a walk and a talk, and while it isn't high drama (thank goodness) it was nice. We are still a long way from him moving back in. But I think there is a path. While moving out the way he did was a terrible thing to do, moving out may have been the best thing he could have done for our relationship in the long run. It has made us both look at what we had and where we were. It wasn't good, but it could be if we work on it.

I'm very grateful for the support of my friends and family through this. It has really helped me when I was hurting the worst, and being able to talk through my hurt and confusion has helped me to be receptive, and to think about where I want my life to go.

Being creatively productive has been helping me for a while now, so thank goodness for Roxanne, and our Sunday sewing. This morning, Roxanne came over and we worked on planning our next round of projects. Some of the projects kind of went together, so we decided to put them together. Sort of make outfits. For instance making denim skirts for each of us, and tops to go with them. Or some pajama projects for her son and grandson. It was kind of nice to have the "extra" time to do it. We got busy on Sunday, and worked on Raine some pants and shorts to wear to school, and got the second dress altered for her mom... all while babysitting, visiting, and getting ready for a family enchilada dinner.

a step at a time

Better today than yesterday. Better yesterday than the day before. Hope for tomorrow, then.

Ron and I are actually talking. Looking at marriage counseling, checking out options.

It is going to take time, and we will have to take whatever time it takes to figure out what is best for all of us.

Not my best week. I've lived through it, though.