of funerals

I'll be going to one this week. A cousin of my father's passed away this week. His children and grandchildren and especially his wife and sisters will miss him a great deal. He was more like an uncle than I cousin to me, and I will miss the crotchety old cuss, too.

I'm at a little distance from this one, though. Not as close as my own parents, who's loss I'll feel forever, as do most people, I suspect. The torch is passing in my family, who is the oldest, which generation "leads" the family. Who does everyone look up to? I think the hardest thing is that those elders are the ones that keep the ties together, in a lot of ways. The cousins that my father and mother grew up with are mostly strangers to me, and my loved cousins are living their own lives with children and grandchildren to keep track of, and visit. I'm happy that the internet with its e-mail and social sites like facebook help a little with the keeping in touch, but how can I be part of their every-day lives, or they part of mine? The miles are a great barrier indeed.

So, along with the realization that I'm not marking anything new, no matter how profound it may or may not be, I also mark a passing from the past to the present, to a near future that I will get to see, and a farther one that I will not. I realization that I am, in fact, mortal, not immortal, and with a deep breath, it is OK. Change does come, and it is good, and it is only change. An ending, not THE ending. Rest in Peace, Mac Chew.

once again, friday

amen and hallelujah

I'm tired, and cranky and in need of a shower and sleep. One more Friday in this school year. The letters of intent were sent to the school today, but I was in to mood to go pick mine up this afternoon.

Right now, this minute, I fully understand why Fran likes a guest poster for her Friday blog. I sure do. The weight of the day is resting heavy on my head right now.

I know tomorrow will be better, thank goodness, and even sleep will feel pretty darned good right now, so I think I'll start on it. Good night all.

transmission

My car needs a new transmission. To the tune of $2-3 thousand, most likely. Two weeks before the end of school.

So of course the decision must be made whether to fix it or start over on a different car. I like my car, and would be happy to have it for several more years. 2-3 thousand would not buy me a car as nice as the one I have, so, more payments. While I still have payments on mine, I could have it paid off within the year. I don't want to start with a new set. If all goes well, the amount of money we would spend on the transmission would pay for a reliable (as this car has been so far) vehicle for several more years, and would be worth that price.

Like many people, I don't have that much money laying around, although I could probably work something out, or several things out, that would get me to pay off the bill, and pay off any loans accrued for it in a few months. Of course we'll have to cancel the vacation we had planned. The vehicle is, in all practicality, a higher priority. I will be sorry for that, but I won't begrudge it. In fact, I guess that over all, I'm pleased that I feel I could work out something to pay for these expensive repairs, which hasn't always been the case.

So, I'm working through my decision, my anxiety, and the frustration that accompanies disaster. I keep in mind that no one's health is affected. That as disasters go, there are many worse and more devastating ones. And still, I'll have to work to keep my voice from not-so-adult whiny-ness for the next few days while arrangements are being made.

reading

So the seminar today was informative and as entertaining as those kinds of things can be. The speaker, Stephen (I think) Krashen is a pretty well known researcher. His basic message was that poor kids aren't surrounded by books, while other kids are. If poverty is the biggest indicator of failure in school, the availability of books is the number one indicator of success. So, if we want our children and students to learn academic language, do well in school, and score well on standardized tests, we should surround them with books that are interesting to them, that are at a comprehensible level of language and encourage them to read, by giving them time and space to do it.

How can it be that simple? Why should it be more difficult? I love it!

Then, for the other shoe... On the drive home, through El Paso, I noticed my check engine light on, and my transmission light on. Well, crap. I pulled off the highway, and found a Pep Boys, and they offered me a $90 diagnostic. Since the little computer informed them my transmission was slipping, and they don't do transmission work, they waived the fee (thank you very much!) and sent me on my way. I had Ron call our local shop, and I made it home with no problems, but worry. So tomorrow, I hear the diagnosis, and the estimate, and I'm hoping for the best... I really don't want to spend a bunch of money on car repairs, who does? Still, I really like my car, and I don't want a different one, so if it is reasonable, and do-able, repairs it is. Big sigh.

seminar

Here we are, two weeks from finals, and I'm going to a seminar tomorrow. Yes, I am. Only part of me feels guilty. The part that feels for the sub who has been working with me the past couple of weeks, who will probably get no help tomorrow. I know what that feels like, with the kids I have this year, and it isn't good. She's been working hard with me, and I've appreciated it. The kids are sooo far behind, and they don't even realize it. I'm not sure how to GET them to realize it, and I've been trying.

Still, the other parts of me are feeling like learning something myself might be a bit of a recharge, which I am really needing right now. I probably won't feel the recharge for a bit, until I've had time to digest and incorporate information, and found some use for it. I could spout all sorts of meta educational jargon at you now, but I will restrain myself. For the moment, at least.

Here's to hoping the information tomorrow will be relevant, or at least if it isn't, I will get some grading done. Here's to summer. Are we there yet?

anticipa......tion

Today was a lovely day. The weather seems to be turning a bit stormy at this point, but sunny with a cool breeze was the score for most of the day. The regular chores went along regularly, and my bit of spring cleaning for the day was included when I washed the lids for all the pots and pans which were dusty from sitting on an open shelf in the kitchen. Of course the ones we don't use often were the dusty ones, but still, a little clean up and organization felt good. Even when I cut off part of my fingernail and a little skin trying to cut bread, it didn't ruin the day. (of course it isn't a bad cut, so...) Heck I even wrote checks for the bills with no big emotional turmoil. Of course that turmoil is always less when there is enough money in the account to write the checks on and not have to juggle them.

So, what is the anticipation? Well, I have plans for this summer, and its quickly approaching. Organizing the craft room is first and foremost on the list. For a while now, I've been content that I could reach my sewing supplies and had a place to set up the sewing machines while the rest of the room served as storage. I've tackled a box or two here and there, and made a little progress, but then something would happen, and more boxes would appear, and mostly stuff has gotten pushed here and there and not really put away. Its hard to have everything in its place when there isn't a place for everything. I've been enjoying the shared creative time with Roxanne, and I have some very creative people living in this very house that I would like to share creative time with too. That was really the intended function for that room, not storage.

Anyway, I have my plan. Sorting, cleaning, purging, putting away. Creating functionality so that creativity can thrive. Now, I just have to wait for it with happy anticipation.

realization

I actually have two, I guess. One that I went this whole week without blogging. Sigh. I didn't even realize. In my sad defense, we are coming down to the last weeks of school, and that is pretty much what is on my mind. I've probably said what I need to about it, and more than anyone might want to read about it. I'll try to be better about writing. Its good for me, but I'll try to figure out other things (than school) to write about. Like I have today.

Today I went to Roxanne's for sewing, and we altered a couple of tops of hers, putting in some darts for shaping in a T-shirt (wow what a change it made) and in another top. Since she's lost some weight, the tops were too loose and baggy for her to wear to work, and now they are not. I have a top in the making (cut out but not sewn together) that has shaping darts that I really want to try out. That reinforced my thoughts on that top as well.

When I got to Roxanne's, though, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. I had been looking forward to sewing all week. Now, that wasn't the realization, but it surely lead to it. Part of my joy in sewing and creating has definitely been that it has been a shared activity. When I voiced my thought, Roxanne mentioned that she wasn't nearly as excited to sit down with the sewing machine alone, as she was when I was there, too. The creativity and the work are both shared, and I think I took one more step towards defining creatlivity for myself. Did I post this to the wrong blog? No, I don't think so, but I think it will probably inspire an entry for that blog as well. I certainly think that shared experience of creating, bouncing ideas off another person or several can be inspiring for all involved. Now, I'm more determined to create that shared and sharing space online, as well as IRL (in real life, in case you don't know).