OK, so in a couple of days, I'll be 53. This year, it bugs me. This year, I'm feeling it. Why 53? Why THIS year? Time for some personal assessment, maybe.
I know that I've been off the "get real" track the past... well, I'll say 6 months, but really? more like 9. Stopped excercising, even though it was helping me feel so much better, and helping me loose some weight, and... and... and I still stopped. Sure, I've been dealing with a new job this year. I love it, by the way. I really do, even though it is tough this semester without a prep. Ouch!
I've been put back on the "get real" track though, and really, I know it's where I want to be... I just wish it looked more like I would like it to look. I got boosted up when Ron's insurance changed this year, and the diabetic medicine, Januvia, which I was using was going to cost about $10 a day. Yeah, that's not happening. So, I've been taking a different medication, and tracking my fasting blood sugar level in the mornings, and logging my evening meals (evening eating has long been my downfall), exercise (yes, I've been able to put myself back on the bike at least 5 nights a week) blood pressure, and weight. I've written down questions for my doctor, and even taken the log so I would remember to ASK them. I've even written down the results of the visit... well, you know, the important bits. Lets me have a record. Lets me really be real with myself, not just "I think" X is happening.
One of the things that rocked my world was talking to the Doctor about diabetes treatment options, and he told me that some of them can make you gain weight. On the order of 20 pounds per year. I've been fat pretty much all my life. Certainly all my adult life, although my weight has certainly been higher than it is right now. I realized, though, that I didn't want to gain 20 pounds a year. I didn't want to lug it around. I didn't want to have to work around it. Dress it or feed it or feel the stresses it would put on my knees or hips. My thought was, gaining 100 pounds in the next 5 years would just kill me. period. So. Wake up and get busy on NOT doing that. And yes, I have.
The exercise is harder this year than it was last year. Why IS that? Oh, I'm glad that I'm doing it, I've seen the effect in my general movement, well being, and blood sugar levels. It's just... harder. Maybe it will get a little easier. I hope so. Of course about then, it will be time to add something to it, again.
I'm struggling with blood pressure though, not super high, but not where I want it either... Struggling with swelling. Finally addressing it as an issue, actually. Trying to keep reality in my picture, and not just turn the blind eye of denial towards the health issues that can determine the quality of my life for the rest of my life.
Is 53 the magic number of finally growing up? Is that why it is sucking so much right now? Damn.