Tuesday, April 1, 2014

holding on

It's a Taurus thing. We don't like to let go. Nope. Not at all. Maybe its a friend who moves away, or that whatchamacallit. You  know, the one you got on your 14th birthday. Heck you don't even remember who gave it to you, or what its really called. It goes RIGHT THERE, on your dresser. And collects dust.

Taurans, you know who you are, and you know it's true.

I'm learning, slowly, the joys of purging. How good it can feel inside to let go of stuff. But sometimes, it can be difficult.

For instance, every time I drive through the neighborhood I grew up in, the neighborhood with the house my parents lived in until my dad remarried after my mom died. Let me just say this (for my mother was a Taurus, too) the house my mother didn't leave until she died. (I hope you can understand my sentiment here... as when we joke around and say I'm not leaving until... well, she didn't - and it fit who she was) The house that my dad let our step-mother take away from us. Well, I get irked. Sometimes more than other times.

Now, of course you are going to say to me, "Of course you do! Who wouldn't?" Well, that whole situation? It's over. It's done with. NOTHING I could ever do will change any of it. I made choices at the time that I stand by, that make me feel like a decent human being. Choices that I can live with, because those were the questions I had to ask myself.

But driving through there, I get irked. Sometimes more than others, and tonight was one of those more nights. Oh I could NOT drive through there, but it is the quickest way to Raine's friend's house, so I drive it at least once a week, more than that, mostly. I would really like to put those feelings to rest. I would really like to be a better person than that. I would like to think I was a better person than that. But I'm a Taurus. I hold on to stuff.

So, every time I drive past, I get that visceral reaction. I'm still working on letting it go.

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