Well, we went, today. I sweated it. I worried about it. I had trouble falling asleep last night. It was... the unknown.
It was also the waiting before taking the first step on a journey. The anticipation. I know, it isn't that big of a deal. I'm not the only one in the world that has ever been in this place, and I know that. In some ways, though it felt like a big deal.
Maybe because what I want to accomplish, what Ron and I want to accomplish, IS a big deal. To us. There are a lot of times when you don't realize how bad a situation is until you get out of it, brush off, recover a bit, and look back. We were not taking care of ourselves. We were not taking care of each other. It was not a good place for either of us to be.
Today we poked at some of those hurting places in my heart. That was hard, and painful, but that is what needs to be done. They need to be cleaned out, and bandaged up and healed, but it doesn't feel good, right now.
I will say in general, things are better between us, for the amount of time we are together. Which isn't a lot right now. Still, better. Good enough that I would like more time like this. Yes, please. Good behavior. Best behavior.
That is what we need to learn how to make last. That good behavior, until that is the second nature, not the selfish, closing off.