say something nice

There are times - many of them in fact - when the advice your mom gave you still holds merit. Take, for example, the advice that if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. I mean, we all know that calling someone fat (or ugly, or...) doesn't make them like you, and doesn't get you what you want from them. Giving a complement is always more effective.

Now, I have a friend who is in the hospital. She is very ill, and she looks like she is ill. I've spent some time with her this week, and her condition has improved over the time, which I'm happy for, but she has a long road ahead of her. She is at the crossroads and must decide for herself which way to go and neither of the roads are easy ones. She's fortunate that she has people who love her and care about her and will have support either way.

Here's what upsets me. Some of the people who should be supporting her, and pulling for her, seem to be sending her messages that it's all over. She needs to make that decision! With all the medical, spiritual, personal information she can gather. If it is time, OK, I'm good with that. Let it be HER decision, though. Say the truth if you have that information, but if you can't say something nice, don't say anything! Listen to her and be open to what she is saying. Listen for what she means, even if she doesn't say it right out. Sometimes we can't, you know.

Is there a conclusion to my rant? Some overall point to it? Should you voice your concerns? I suppose you should... but could you preface it with something like "I'm concerned that...." Say something nice.