Wednesday, January 27, 2010

forgetabout'em

We never quite do, do we? I think I saw my old flame at the gas station this evening. I could have spoken up, and said hi. He probably would have happily conversed for a moment or two. He has in the past. I didn't say anything. I didn't even feel like I wanted to.

When I was 18 -19, I was sure he was the one I would spend forever with. Fortunately for me, he didn't feel the same way. It took me a long time to get over him, but I did. Over the years, I've heard something about him here and there, and I'm still good friends with his brother, who I think is a wonderful person, and respect a great deal.

My old flame has not made choices in his life that I respect or appreciate. He's not a criminal, that I know of, and I guess he lives a pretty normal, ordinary life. He has - however, and among other things - snubbed most of the people I thought he cared a great deal about, including the brother mentioned above. Granted, I'm not in his shoes or even - thankfully - in his house, but over the years, I've become more and more thankful that things didn't work out between us, way back when. It isn't that I hate him, or everything he has or has done, that would be a total waste of my time, energy and emotions. That isn't why I'm talking about him today.

There was a point, though, when I realized that I didn't mourn the loss of him any more, so much as I felt the loss of the person I thought he was. I'm still sorry that person isn't in the world.

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